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Шутки и анекдоты на английском языке

Стоимость обучения английскому
Формирующиеся группы
Уровни
Методика и учебные материалы
Индивидуальное обучение
Интересные и полезные материалы
Идеальное время для интенсивного обучения! Приглашаем на летние интенсивы с 3 по 27 июля! Учим Немецкий язык, уровень А1.1 и В1.1. Занятия с понедельника по четверг, с 19:00-22:00. Длительность курса 4 недели, цена 500 руб за 1 ак. час. Начало занятий 3 июля 2017 года.


Teacher: Today, we're going to talk about the tenses. Now, if I say "I am beautiful", which tense is it? Student: Obviously it is the past tense.

Two cows are standing in a field.
One cow says "Are you worried about Mad Cow Disease?"
The other one says "No, It doesn't worry me. I'm a horse!"

Teacher: What's your favourite food?
Student:I am very fond of spaghetti bolognese, sir.
Teacher: Spell it.
Student: Actually, sir, I think I prefer beef.

Mrs Smith, an English teacher, had been focussing on grammar with her class but she wasn’t sure how much they understood until one day, after a very busy morning she was sat at her desk massaging her forehead a student asked,
"What's the matter, Mrs. Smith?"
"Tense," she replied, describing her emotional state
After a slight pause the student tried again, "What was the matter? What will be the matter? What has been the matter? What might have been the matter... ?"

Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms. Smith, the Sunday School teacher, smiling sweetly said, "Bobby, when I was a child I was told if that I made ugly an face, it would freeze and I would stay like that." Bobby looked up and replied, "Well, Ms. Smith, you can't say you weren't warned."

One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class. She came to the part of the story where the first pig was trying to accumulate the building materials for his home. She read, "...And so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said, "Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my house?"
The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that man said?"
One little boy raised his hand and said, "I know"..he said "A talking pig!"

Three old ladies are sitting in a diner, chatting about various things.
One lady says: "You know, I'm getting really forgetful. This morning, I was standing at the top of the stairs, and I couldn't remember whether I had just come up or was about to go down."
The second lady says: "You think that's bad? The other day, I was sitting on the edge of my bed, and I couldn't remember whether I was going to bed or had just woken up!"
The third lady smiles smugly. "Well, my memory's just as good as it's always been, knock on wood." She raps the table. With a startled look on her face, she asks, "Who's there?!"

A man has been asked:
— How do You estimate the chances of Your going into the street and meeting there a dinosaur?
The man:
— A billi.
A woman has been asked:
— How do You estimate the chances of Your going into the street and meeting there a dinosaur?
The woman:
— Half and half.
— You don't say! - she is said.
— Well, — she says, — either I'll meet him, or I'll not.

For the first time in many years, a an old man traveled from his rural town to the city to attend a movie. After buying his ticket, he stopped to purchase some popcorn.
Handing the attendant $1.50, he couldn't help but comment, "The last time I came to the movies, popcorn was only 15 cents."
"Well, sir," the attendant replied with a grin, "You're really going to enjoy yourself. We have sound now…"

The newly wed wife said to her husband when he returned from work, "I have great news for you. Pretty soon, we're going to be three in this house instead of two."
Her husband ran to her with a smile on his face and delight in his eyes. He was glowing of happiness and kissing his wife when she said, "I'm glad that you feel this way since tomorrow morning my mother moves in with us."

 

«« Курсы английского языка в Москве

 

Кутузовский проспект, дом 9,
корпус 2а, офис 74
cdc@tlms.ru

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